Sunday, September 9, 2012


College? When? Where? Who is going to pay? How am I going to get a scholarship? Why would anyone want me? These questions have been haunting me ever since the day I got into High School. Not only do I drain myself by trying to find an answer, everyone who is around seems to ask me for the answer every time they have an opportunity to do so. And these question, they’re a constant reminder of the fact that I am growing up and that the future isn’t less than 3 years away. Scared isn’t a word strong enough to define my feelings about this matter. Terrified seems to be more appropriate.
My goal in terms of college is to get accepted into a strong university (if I decide to leave Brazil) or get into Federal (if I decide to stay in Brazil). I obviously understand that these are not so easily achieved and that I am aiming high; but why would I aim low? The worst thing that can happen is that I have to try again. 
My expectations for college are what any nerdy girl would expect: perfection. I envision college as perfect. In my vision, you are independent and free. You pick your own courses and choose your own time. You can get involved in many groups and teams and in the end, make many friends.   I, again, obviously know that this isn’t reality. It won’t be as perfect, it won’t be the way movie and college pamphlets make it look like, but I hope that this is somewhat close to what it will actually be like. But all this perfection that I envision is often interrupted by two things: my fears and my concerns,
Going to college is the thing that most scares me. The thought of going through SAT and IB and needing to get high grades creeps me out. The idea of leaving my whole family here in Brazil and moving to an unknown country makes me cringe. All of these thoughts run through my mind the whole day and it is the idea that I will fail at any of these that haunts me. Fail is the word I most. The thought of not having a good enough grade in the SAT and then not being accepted into any college is my worst nightmare. Not being able to stay away from my family for too long frightens me, since I know there are high chances of it being true.  Moving into a new country and not being able to adapt also worries me. Even though I study in an international school and I am very familiar with people from different cultures the idea of me being inserted into a different culture and having to adapt scares me, a lot. I am the definition of Brazilian. I am talkative, outgoing, loud and a soccer fanatic. The thought of having to leave all the people from my country, who are really similar to me in all of these aspects, scares me. Because truthfully, I don’t know if the people I meet will ever be accepting of this “Brazilian” side of me. But even though I have all of these fears haunting me, I know that going to college is my dream. Even though it turns out all of my fears might actually be true, I know that it will be my goal to overcome them and conquer my dreams through a more inspiring matter. At the end of the day, this is what I want to do with my future, and I know that this is what I will do once I leave school.
The fact that my school has given me the opportunity to learn how to be an aware citizen and academic leader is one reason why I am becoming more confident about going to college. Just in the few weeks of this course I have already become a person who would probably spark more interest in the college recruiters. For example I have been taught about the election and have watched lectures during the classes that have inspired me to look into the speeches given at the Democratic National Convention. Just the fact that an international student knows and is aware of this is probably something that would spark interest in a recruiter. Not only will being more aware of the world help me getting into college, but also developing some skills that are fundamental in an academic leader will give me an important advantage as well. For instance, if I learn the correct question to ask my recruiter and if I learn what the correct posture is to have during my interviews, I will already impress the recruiter, which would definitely help in the moment of selection.
Even though I am scared of getting into college, my fears are just a part of my dream. I am determined to get into a good college and have a bright future and I look forward to the day it happens. I am exited to learn more about the career I want to pursue and I’m also excited to learn more things each day, which will contribute to me becoming a global citizen. Like I said before, my fears are just a small part of my dream and I am determined to make my dream come true.